A letter to Ruby on her 3rd birthday

How can it be - Ruby you are THREE! This was a big year for you, with lots of growth and new adventures.  You took most of it in stride, ready to take on the world each day.  Well, when you were ready to get out of your pajamas anyway. You're usually up between dawn and 8am, running full throttle until a quick nap is necessary and back up and taking on the world until 8 or 8:30pm, or whenever you're done fighting to stay awake.  We joke that you only have an on/off switch, you run full steam ahead most days.  You're still our resident Bulldozer, Hell on Wheels and the tiny tyrant that keeps this house running on empty.   You definitely add a fun energy to our family and we've enjoyed seeing your true personality blossom, even if we have to guide you a bit along the way.

You are fiercely independent and want to do everything yourself.  Even if it takes twice as long and, we let you work it out unless you ask for help.   You can (almost) dress yourself and you've mastered socks and shoes without supervision.  You also like climbing up into your seat at the table and buckling yourself in.  The car seat belts are too tricky for you, but Mama isn't going to let you do those by yourself as you are much too precious for any mistakes there. 

You love your "Bubba" and look for him each morning.  You go to him for a playmate, but even when you're looking for mischief. The two of you are like cats and dogs sometimes, y'all can play and have fun but y'all are also known to throw off the gloves and let each other have it.  He's not fooled by your size, you can definitely hold your own against him or anyone else. The two of you adore each other and I hope you always know that he would do anything for you.  Occasionally, he will bring up stories from when you were younger, how cute you were.  He's so proud of you and I'm thankful y'all have each other.

You've perfected the silliest faces and love to make people laugh, especially when you're in trouble.  You do a funny eye roll thing where you look away and grin devilishly.  At family dinner, you're often the entertainer, you love to be front and center for the laughter and you have enough family to egg you on. 

You have a hot temper just like every other toddler on the block.  You are vocal when you don't get your way or when you feel that life just ain't fair.  You typically will slap at whatever is closest by but have (mostly) learned that slapping another person is only a quick way to end up in solitary confinement.  That punishment is probably your most hated and typically a good deterrent to stop acting a fool.  You do meltdown when you're told "no" and can't stand to feel like you're missing out. 

 You're definitely our FOMO kid, you want to live your best life and eat your cake, too.   

And even though your Daddy has a major disdain for this word, RJ, you. are. sassy.  Your spunk gets you into trouble but can also bail you out of it when we can't keep from laughing.  You're rotten to the core but I guess that's what keeps life fun. 

 The only kid I know that truly loves to brush their teeth.  Well, you let Mama brush without complaining anyway.    

 Someone snapped a pic of you walking out to the car after the Easter service last year. Absolutely stunning.  And if I had a dollar for every time a stranger commented on how pretty you are or how gorgeous your brows are, I could hire a decently sized bodyguard to protect you from the boys that are gonna be at our front porch asking to take you out for the evening in 15 years. 

You started preschool over the summer and you've really enjoyed it.  You were home with Mama for a good chunk of your life, but by 2 and a half, we knew it was time for you to have more structure in your day and let our little social butterfly FLY!  Admittedly, I wasn't sure how you'd do but you've done great right from the start.  All of the teachers always compliment how sweet you are (?!) and you are proud to go to 'cool.  You're learning letters, counting, Bible stories, songs and getting to craft, snack and play outside with friends.  Yesterday when I dropped you off, your class was in the middle of doing the three pledges (Pledge of Allegiance, Texas, Christian) and you started in with a few of the words you've learned since starting the new class just last week. 

 

Christmas this year was SO MUCH FUN!  You were really into all of the activities and excited about gifts.  You also learned about the birth of Jesus in the manger and how to tell Him Happy Birthday! 

 

After bath time, you enjoy getting your hair conditioned and blow-dried.  You're a diva who is quick to ask if I'm done so you can go show Daddy "pretty hair."

 

 For weeks, every time I would get the phone out to snap a picture, this was the "cheese" face you always gave.  So funny! 

You and I have the most fun when we go shopping or just do family stuff.  I cannot wait for our adventures together as you continue to grow.  I wanted a daughter of my own for so long, God definitely gave me the best one. 

We've started talking to you more about your birth family and you can repeat their names when we point to pictures.  You also met your paternal grandmother, her husband and your cousin last summer.  They just loved you and you had lots of fun playing with them.  Mama and Daddy are so thankful to have the chance to get to know them and we look forward to continue building a relationship with them.   

You have a 3 year old well visit scheduled for next week, so I'm not 100% sure of your stats other than you've gotten taller and skinnier since your 2nd birthday. Ha! 

You LOVE: 

• your baby dolls
• washing your hands - we have to supervise you or you will overuse the soap and flood the bathroom sink
• Jesus Loves Me 
• This Little Light of Mine
• hair bows
• driving fast over speed bumps - you laugh hysterically and then squeal DO IT 'GEN!
• Baby Shark, including the hand motions
• dancing
• coloring
• crazy voices and silly faces
• play-doh
• candy - your sweet tooth is worse than Henry's!
• shoes
• being read to 
• giving Dutch hugs 
• trampolines
• swimming
• jumping on the bed
• riding your plasma car in the house and down the sidewalk
• rough housing with your brother and Daddy

Other random things:

• You love bath time, especially when you have your bath crayons or bubbles.
• You're adventurous, love to explore and see new things.
• You DO NOT like the vacuum cleaner if it heads in your direction. 
• You're usually the first to wave at strangers but get "shy" at church when people talk to you, especially if you know you're about to head to your class/sans your parents and brother. 
• You're left handed, just like your Nana and Aunt Nikki.
• You can throw a ball impressively well, especially for your age.

Daddy and I love you so very much and we just can't put into words what you mean to our life, the value you add to our family or the love we have for you.  You're a beautiful child, perfectly made by God and we cherish you.  We pray that this next year is full of continued growth, great health, lots of learning and of course tons of fun and laughter.  May God bless your life abundantly.  We love you, our precious daughter, our Ruby Joy Holland.

The Knot

Today I had a mess on my hands, like a full blown mess, a GIANT knot.  A couple of weeks ago, I borrowed some aprons from my friend Katie for a party and I told her that as a thank you, I would wash them.  Doesn't sound like a big deal but I loathe laundry so this really was a sacrifice.  Admittedly, they sat in my car for over a week and today and I knew that it was time to wash them.  Like a rookie, I threw all 18 aprons in the washing machine together and much to my surprise, and annoyance, every single tie was tangled up together to form not only a giant, tight knot, but a wet, giant, tight knot.  Ugh! 

My apron heap straight out of the washing machine looked a little bit like Darth Vader.  

That face though....

Quickly into my frustration, I began thinking about a time when my Granny and I were untying a giant yarn knot. To give you a backstory, the following is an excerpt from a passage I read at my Granny's funeral in 2015.

Granny loved to tell us stories from the past and personally, they were enjoyable, felt like a glimpse into the good ol' days.  Over the past several years, if she wasn't reminiscing, that's when I worried most about her. In the few weeks leading up to Christmas 2012, she was in a rehab center after a prolonged illness.  The local family members tried to stagger our visits to where she never went more than a couple of days between visitors.  One afternoon after work, I picked up a little plant for her room and went for a visit. When I got there, she was sitting in a wheelchair, fiddling with a mess of yarn that had knotted up on her. I don't know if it was her illness or the yucky medication she was on, but she was struggling to communicate with me, all of her sentences were jumbled, bit and pieces of different stories.  Heartbreaking.  She fiddled with the yarn while we talked.  I had grabbed one end of knot and we were making progress but my Ament-attention span kicked in and I asked if she wanted me to cut it to make it easier to untangle. She smiled and coyly said "You can't give up. You gotta keep working at it." I silently prayed that she would keep fighting, keep working at it. None of us were ready to let go of her and I felt reassured by the Holy Spirit right then and there that she wasn't ready to let go either.  After lots of pulling, untangling and giggling, the knot came loose. She was right.  We had to keep trying.  I've replayed that afternoon in my mind a dozen times or more over the last two years.  "You gotta keep working at it."

Even if she never realized, her words were incredibly profound.  Not only in that moment but in every challenging, knotted up moment. Each of has a proverbial knot that we need to untangle. Some people have a little tiny knot, the kind a toddler does with their shoelaces in the backseat of the car.  Other knots are giant, time consuming and a soaking wet mess that no one wants to fix.  You can't just cut your losses and start over.  You can't give up. You gotta keep working at it.

Maybe you're thinking about your knot or multiple knots for those who are doing it up big.  I have a small knot I need to fix, it won't take long to untie, but I'm afraid of picking at it and making it worse.  Sometimes the smaller knots are the most intimidating.  My bigger knot is much like my heap of wet aprons.  The knot is metaphorically speaking about a challenge in my life, my persistent need to be doing and inability to say no, those close to me know about my knot and have seen the frustration while I've tried doing it by myself, not wanting to ask for help. But I think about my Granny sitting alone that day.  There's no telling how long she fought with that yarn.  Her body was tired and her brain was foggy from heaven knows what she was going through.  While I didn't rush in and save the day, I was there to help with some of the pulling and moving that eventually got it out. Isn't it wonderful having help with your knot?  Everything is wound tightly, yet I remain hopeful that one good pull in the right direction will set it all free.  Life's not that easy though and it's gonna take a lot of work on my part to untangle that knot. One thing I know for sure, I know God will guide me to get it untied but hopefully not completely unraveled.😉