Holland Family 2017 - A Recap

I didn't manage to get Christmas cards out this year and time really got away from me the past few weeks.   As 2017 comes to a close, I wanted to recap a few memories from the year, so let's take a look!

On January 24th, our precious little Ruby turned a year old. We were also officially on the road to her adoption the day after that.  The next weekend, we celebrated her birthday with family and close friends.  It was loud, kids everywhere but it was a lot of fun!

In March, Henry celebrated his 7th birthday with his first sleepover, Ryan and Bryson.  The boys had a lot of fun playing outside and even more fun staying up half the night watching movies and running through the house with sugar in their bloodstream. The next morning, not only did we make it to church with FIVE kids in tow, we made it on time.  Definitely a victory for two tired parents.

May was a very bittersweet month as we learned our precious "M" was headed home.  She was with us for 1 year and 2 weeks and saying goodbye was a giant kick in the gut.  We miss her silly smile, catty laugh and huge heart SO much.  She is an angel baby and we are incredibly thankful to have her in our lives.

Two days later, we went from a heartbreaking day to one of the best days of our lives.  Wednesday, May 10, 2017 was the day we officially adopted Ruby Joy Holland!

It was a very exciting day for our family and a beautiful reminder of God's love and provision.  He took a little girl who needed a family and a family who needed her and put them together.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have come up with our story, but it's my favorite.  I cannot wait to tell her about her special day when she's older.  She has always been loved and we look forward to sharing life together with her. We celebrated with breakfast that day and then the next weekend with over 80 family members and friends.  It was the perfect celebration, an exclamation point to a beautiful beginning. 

Mike also started a new job in May as an Infrastructure Manager for an energy company.  He's really enjoying his new role and has a great team.  The company offers nice perks and has a family-focused work environment, something he's really been missing.   We are really enjoying having him home during the week and not running a brutal on-call scheduled like he was at the previous company.  Something about 2am outages don't make for a happy life. Onward and upward!

June was also a very busy month as Henry completed first grade and we started our summer break.  It was all fun and games though until Mama nearly cut off two fingers while washing a ceramic crockpot that shattered in the sink.  6 stitches and 4 visits to CareNow, I was on the road to recovery.  It was a very challenging couple of weeks, but thankfully Ruby was able to stay with us for a few days and Mike was a big help as well.  I definitely fared better than the shattered crockpot.

The following week, we added another member to the family when we adopted Dutch.  He's a 95 pound Boxer with a protective spirit, but he's also extremely lazy and super chill with the kids too.  He's been a great addition to our family in spite of having to work through the aggression/protective issues when we have visitors.  Training has been good so far and we're hopeful he can be socialized in the long run.

At the end of June, Mike and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  We went to dinner at Pappa Bros Steak House and went to have cake in Trinity Groves.  I can't believe a decade has passed since we said our vows but mercy we've lived what feels like two lifetimes since then.  If I know one thing, I would marry him and do it all over again.  He's my dream come true and an amazing husband.  Our families get along well and we've made a lot of beautiful memories.  Life hasn't always been roses and sunshine, but we've always been there for each other no matter what life has thrown our way. 

We spent a big bulk of the summer either at Nana and Papa's pool, the racetrack or doing activities at church or with friends.  It was definitely a fun one!  Oh and we even got to make a trip to Houston to see our favorite "Sisters" for their birthdays.  Love them!

Henry signed up for Taekwondo over the summer and found a new passion.  It's been great for his self-esteem, balance, coordination and discipline as well. He goes twice a week and really looks forward to learning new forms and techniques.

In August, we went to see Gary Allan at Billy Bob's as a friend sold us her tickets.  It was an amazing show, front row and I even scored a handful of guitar picks from Gary himself.  He's a long time favorite of mine, that show will always be an incredible memory.

Henry started second grade at the end of August and he's really enjoyed it so far.  He's made some new friends and is enjoying learning about math and science.  He's in LEGO Club on Tuesdays and enjoys time to be creative with friends.

In September, Mike and I took a belated anniversary trip, long overdue vacation to Playa del Carmen with Jerry and Laura.  We had an amazing trip and it was my first trip to a real beach (not counting Galveston last Thanksgiving.) We spent 4 nights at the Ocean Maya Royale where the food was good and the relaxation was even better.  We got sunburned and enjoyed tons of outdoor time.  We went to Mayan ruins, lunch in a Mexican cafe, rode ATVs, went ziplining into a cavern (BATS!!) and Mike went snorkeling.  Each morning we got up and watched the sunrise over the Caribbean and picked up seashells as we walked.  It was paradise and we hope to go back someday.

In October, I started working as an associate with Stream Energy.  I've enjoyed learning about the energy industry and helping others save money on their utility costs.  It's a growing field and if I continue working the business, it could help our family out financially but still give me the opportunity to be here for the kiddos and focus on our family.

Mike also resumed his IT consulting job in October after a brief hiatus this summer.  He primarily works from home at night and/or the weekends when his schedule is open.  He loves getting back into the technical side (his other job is more managerial and project manager focused) and especially loves working from home.

Onto November, which didn't start good as our beloved Dutch made a BIG mistake.  He got a bit curious after I left to go shopping with RJ one morning and when I came home to a shattered crockpot including tons of shattered glass and ceramic, I knew he was in trouble.  Poor guy ended up having surgery to remove the contents and it took over 2.5 hours to complete.  He had a rough recovery and lots of quiet time to heal.  He's lucky he survived it, but won't have another opportunity to do that as he's now crated when we leave the house.  Oh and no more crockpots for our family! 

 
The rest of the month was even harder as we said goodbye to Granddaddy.  He celebrated his 90th birthday earlier this year, but as the months went on, his health declined dramatically.  We were with him the last 4 days of his life and thankfully by his side when he passed.  I know that God made him whole in that very moment but we sure miss him.  For as long as I can remember, he was hard of hearing and more recently had lost most of his vision and was cranky a lot but who could blame him?! He went from being a pillar of strength to relying on other people and I know that hurt his ego. It would anyone! He taught me so much but I would give anything to have more time with him.  I know we all would.

We did have good family time the week of his passing and I'm incredibly thankful for that.  It's hard for all of us to get together and it's awful that it sometimes takes a tragedy for it to happen, but there were many heartfelt conversations that needed to be had. I hope it helped my Daddy, my uncle and my aunts as well to be together.

After Thanksgiving, I officially launched Wood U Be Mine, a hand-painted sign business where I make custom pieces, home decor and gifts.  I have enjoyed having a creative outlet and love seeing the finished products. I'm looking forward to creating more in 2018 and building the brand with more offerings and variety.

Now we are rounding out the year with December.  We stayed really busy with holiday festivities between church, Henry's school and family time.  We've really enjoyed extra down time the past couple of weeks, but we are looking forward to getting back into our routine again.  Mike heads back to work on the 2nd and Henry back to school on the 8th.  RJ and I will go back to our routine of trips to the gym, play dates and our highly coveted nap time in the afternoons.  Henry will also start back to TKD and working towards his next belt test. 

So I guess that closes out 2017 for the Holland family.  It was a whirlwind of a year with lots of really great highs and few hard hit lows.  We know that God has a plan for all of us this next year and we look forward to walking it together.  May your year be full of blessings, laughter and new adventures.  Cheers!

Ruby - 18+ months

Ruby, I'm sorry I'm nearly a year behind on starting your random updates.  Mama always promised not to be "that mom," the one that didn't do the same things for both kids. You're my favorite daughter, if that means anything.
  

 

You made it to almost 18 months before you had your first shiner (not pictured).  You're a little dare devil who gives us a run for our money. 

 

We went to the Social Security office in early August to have a new SS card issued with your new legal name. We sat there for over an hour and you were actually pretty good, aside from sharing your pacifier and snacks with all the random people in the lobby.  You greeted each person as they came and went.  You had quite the little fan club before our number was called. 

 
At your 18 month well visit in July, you weighed 24lb 12.5 ounces which put you in the 75th percentile for weight.  You were just a hair over 30", which like your entire family, means you're a shorty in the 10th percentile. 

You make LOTS of noise and have a few words like: mommy, daddy, "Henny", doggie, puppy (you're obsessed with the 4 legged friends), up, ball, cup, eat, Ge-Gee, Nanny, D-Dad, "ivie" and bye. Oh, and you use "thank you" every time someone gives you something and when you give someone an item, even trash off the floor is followed up with a "thank you." 

 Dutch is your favorite, but that might be because he's the only one that will lay there in total submission while you pet him.  Lucy and Lily just aren't too crazy about you, unless you're eating. 

 

You have always been a great eater, but just recently you've decided that saying "no" to every food that is offered is the way to go.  We just ignore that and feed it to you anyway. You would live on bread and sweets if we let you; we don't need a DNA test for you, you're clearly mine. Ha!  You eat vegetables and fruits like a champ and protein like you're refueling after a hardcore workout.  You're rough on chicken breast especially; will eat a whole one without slowing down.  You love your morning milk and after a nap, but outside of that, you're not a big milk drinker.  Ice cold water gets you excited as does drinking Uncle Hugh's iced tea at every family dinner.

 

"Get it, girl."

Speaking of Uncle Hugh, you've definitely got his number.  You run to him when you're in trouble or when you need something.  You know he's got your back.  I love this about you but it makes me anxious to see how your baby blues work in your favor.  Girl. You also adore Lolli and Pop and they indulge you every second they can.  They get (mostly) free reign to indulge you, too.  They've more than earned it as they saw you through some very tough times and they are extra special to all of us.

 

You're starting to look like a toddler, but with the cutest little baby face.

You sleep worse than any baby that has ever come through this house.  You're a mess and the complete opposite of your brother who is asleep when his head hits the pillow and who subsequently could sleep through a nuclear attack.  You fight sleep every night, including throwing all the contents of your crib onto the floor and repeatedly kicking the head board until either Mommy has had enough and gets on to you or until your fat legs have had enough.  You're a beast, Ruby.  You wake up to every little noise, no matter how quiet or even how loud we try to be to train you to sleep through it.

You are still very attached to your pacifier at night and in the car when you get unruly (i.e. too whiny for Mommy to listen to.)  I never thought I would be the mom who let her kid have a pacifier this late in the game, but at the end of the day, you are who you are and it's not the end of the world.  Truth is, I'm gonna defend you so milk it for all it's worth.   You aren't allowed to have it wandering the house so at least we've set some boundaries with you.  Even if it's just that one.

All kidding aside, we've had to start disciplining you.  Granted I catch myself, and others in the room, laughing when you scream maniacally in time out, but you march over there to sit, you know the drill.  Your sass and fire are intense but you're learning that we mean business and most of the time you go about your business like it never happened.  We learned the hard way in the past that a little problem eventually turns into a big one.  Sorry, it's hard to be the second (or 6th kid!) child in the family. You are a wrecking ball and your nickname (one of many) is Bulldozer.  You are headstrong and fierce.  You exhaust me but you keep me laughing. 

 

You also may be the reason for Mama's gray hairs and Daddy's lack thereof.

You make us laugh in ways that make me cry real tears.  Your sense of humor is already twisted, you love to see people hurt themselves or stuff break. Slap stick comedy is your favorite.  You also have an incredible sense of comedic timing, even if on accident. Last night at Nana and Papa's, you were raising hell on the back patio.  Seriously, there needs to be a Hurricane Ruby.  Anyway, I looked at you and said "RJ, I wish you could be cuddly and sweet." In true RJ fashion, you let off a big belch and we erupted into laughter.  Aunt Nikki said that it was very unladylike.  We were wiping tears out of our eyes, especially your Aunt Corinne.  Girl, you are TOO MUCH! 

The toys are always a wreck when you're awake but you've recently learned how to put them away before bed.  

 

Ruby, you are the light of our lives and I cherish my days that I spend with you. I love snuggling you after you fall asleep in the car, getting to carry you in the house while you are snoozing is one of my favorite reasons to leave the house. You love peek-a-boo - you're seriously the cutest in those moments.  We are all incredibly thankful that God brought you to us.  You are a sweet little lady, your eyes are the most gorgeous baby blues I've ever seen and your smile most certainly lights up our world.  Daddy told me just the other night that he still can't believe that you're our daughter.  Your brother is incredibly proud of you, always introducing you and showing off HIS sister.  We love you to Heaven and back! 

 

Mama's little wild haired baby

Adoption Day - May 10, 2017

Our adoption was finalized in Dallas Co so we had to get on the road early as we knew traffic would be a problem. Getting on I-35 is something we typically avoid but we were more than thrilled to make the southbound trek at 6:45am.  

The boys were in their Sunday best, dress pants, teal shirts and black ties. Henry was so proud to match Ruby's teal tulle dress. He said she looked like a princess. She was super cranky that morning as we had a late baseball game the night before and an early wake up call that morning. She wasn't happy and she was certainly acting like a "princess."

We made it to the courthouse about 7:50am, just enough time to get everyone unloaded and all ready.  We met our agency worker in the parking lot with big smiles.  Not only is adoption a very happy time for families, it's also the end of A LOT of work for the workers and family. I'd rather have paper cuts than labor pains! :)

After going through security and the metal detector, we found our family as well as our photographer, Megan Eidson with Blush Little Baby photography.  Some of us went in one elevator while the majority of our family went into another. Well they got stuck! Like couldn't move. I was already wound up with excitement but being stuck in an elevator is one of my biggest fears, I wouldn't have handled that gracefully.  The rest of our party finally made it to the third floor just as we found our attorney.  She told us it would be a bit until we were called so we patiently waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

An hour later, we were finally next in line. I thought I would be nervous. This was a HUGE commitment, not mention having all of our family there beside us. And we would be in front of the judge, that's a position that always makes me feel intimidated anyway.  But surprisingly, I was calm. Well about to explode from happiness, but I was composed.

We walked into the courtroom and I heard the bailiff tell everyone who was party to the case to come to the bench so everyone followed.  The attorney previously told us that whoever was the more composed of the two of us should be the one to answer her questions before the judge. Obviously I was out on that. Mike was VOLUNTEERED to do this.  I felt that it was only fair after all the paperwork and project management I did to get us to this day. Ha! 

Mike and I were sworn in - very surreal.  Henry was still and quiet, smile pasted on his face. He was in awe of the courtroom and the judge.  Ruby wasn't amused by any of this and acted like a maniac just as soon as we walked up to the bench. Missing all that sleep the night before was catching up to her. She was pacified with Laura's iPhone and me jostling and swinging her to keep her quiet. It was a special day, but she's still her. She's a true honey badger.  Honey badger don't care. 

I held it together nicely until I was asked if I was committed to loving, providing for and raising this child. My voice cracked and with a huge smile on my face and all the blood in my cheeks, I said "yes." I heard sniffling coming from behind me. Apparently the people there to give us support are softies, too!  It was incredibly sweet and having them there was amazing.   

It was official just as soon as the judge signed the documents and after lots of pictures, hugs and happy tears, we were on our way to celebrate our amazing blessing, our daughter, our Ruby Joy Holland!  

 

The Colander

When our family started our journey in foster care, we knew that inevitably, the majority, if not all children that entered our home, would eventually leave. We signed up for that, but I don't think we (Mike and I, nor our family or close friends on this journey) realized the weight or the magnitude of truly saying goodbye to these kids. It goes way beyond what we thought would be the void of them not being in our home. Yes, it hurts to the core to have someone you love leave you, but we've found that it is so much more. 

We've gone from an adorable little boy whose caregivers failed him to two precious sisters that I would have given my life for to another incredibly amazing little lady who needed stability, consistency and things that were bigger than me some days. We poured everything we could into these kids and sometimes, sadly, it felt like it wasn't ever enough. Between caring for these kids and trying to minister to their parents, some days I felt like I was pouring water into a colander.  The water stayed contained for a nanosecond before making a giant mess on my (un-mopped) kitchen floor.

Sure we loved them, but seeing them struggle or suffer, it's heartbreaking. It's not fair. They didn't deserve to start out with so much brokenness around them.  That stuff should be saved for when we're selfish adults who make reckless decisions. This stuff wasn't for innocent babies.

Ultimately when these children left, either to return home or to another relative, we felt the magnitude of their loss in far greater ways than we ever previously, maybe even naively, thought.  When "A" left, we knew he was going to extended family that loved him and wanted him. What could be better than being with your amazing family? After the initial loss of him being in our home, we were repeatedly reassured that he was safe and happy. We did our job as foster parents and he had a great future ahead. He was going to be ok, despite his rough start at life.  Mike and I felt confident that this is what we signed up for. A happy ending. Next.

We had NO idea what was ahead of us.

The next 22 months was a roller coaster. A Texas Giant sized, epic roller coaster. After Baby Sister and Big Sister left and then again after M left over a year later, we were hit with the harsh reality of foster care. Not all stories are happy. Sometimes things go awry, even with the most amazing caseworkers and people who genuinely care about the welfare and future of these kids. We saw that sometimes (it's actually quite often; again, more than we ever thought) it's the justice system that fails these kids and their families. Yes, our hearts were devastated when these kids left. Yes, we avoided being home for days on end just to avoid the emptiness in our house. Yes, we missed them with every breath and every longing day. But let me tell you something that I learned in that moment that will always stick with me.  It was so much more than that. 

It was so much more than my hurt, our hurt. It was greater than my heart being destroyed. It was bigger than me missing their smiles. It was a true concern, worry, doubt, fear for these children that we once knew were safe and happy. There's something about having all of your chicks in the nest with you.  There's something about knowing that despite your areas of fault or deficiency, there's enough grace to cover it. At least most days, if you're leaning on Christ. That's where I learned the most, through the heartache. 

Foster care is a lot like typical, average parenthood. It's hard and some days you're ready to throw in the towel, to pass the baton, because you feel inadequate and maybe even selfish, too. You feel like nothing is going your way. Your pride got in the way. All of a sudden, you knew better than the God who created you and these precious kids you're to care for and love as His own. Your kids are wild and misbehaving, your house is a wreck and you're tired to the bones. God will humble you like that, won't He? 

He will remind you that your desires and hopes for yourself and for your children are minuscule compared to His plans for each of you. He will give you an earthly understanding that I believe is nothing compared to the reality in His glory.  You will see heartache and doubt here but He will cover that and make you new. Just like the colander in my kitchen, I cannot hold it all.

I can certainly testify to that. God is bigger than my doubts, my fears, my insecurities, even my dreams and of course my failures. Even in my daily heartache, I am reminded that He has gone before me and covered every doubt, fear, question and even my anger with Him. He is God and He is able.

A letter to Henry on his 7th birthday

I am pretty sure I think this every year, but this age is my favorite.  Daddy and I marvel all the time what a little person you are.  You're hilarious.  Seriously. I would say that I don't know where you get half of what you say, but then I hear Daddy's trash talking and I know exactly where it comes from.  Toilet humor is your favorite, still, but you're also pretty witty about all kinds of things.  Just the other night at baseball while on deck, you turned to me in the stands, with at least a dozen people in ear shot and blurted out "Mom! I'm a ladies' man!" with a GIANT grin on your face.  You're humble, that's for sure.  I still have no idea where that came from or if you really know what you're saying, but it's a memory I will always keep.

This may not sound humble, but what kind of mother doesn't brag on her child, but people are always saying how cute you are.  Maybe they mean "You're kid is a crazy nut" but I think they are mostly genuine.  You have the cutest dimples when you blush, your smile lights up my world and you're just sweet as you can be, at least when you want to be.  You are charming, especially with your sisters.  Your heart is kind and caring.  You are very protective of your sisters, coming to their rescue whenever they need your help, but you keep it balanced by roughing them up the way a good big brother does.

You are currently more than fascinated with law enforcement, probably borderline obsessed.  Big change, it was always fire and rescue, but you've switched gears this year.  You love your Nerf guns and COPS episodes.  You might have learned more about illegal substances and fighting than most of your peers, but you do know that those things are stupid and will land you in J-A-I-L (you love spelling that word, like it's taboo or something.)

You are finally taking an interest in reading and writing which is a huge relief to your bookworm mama.  Just yesterday, you received an award at school for your improvement in reading and you sure were proud.  We're proud of you too.  At open house a couple of weeks ago, you were showing us your computer skills, which blew my mind to see how proficient you are on a laptop.  Way better than your mom at that, for sure.  You have a few friends at school and a special friend that is a girl as well.  Just saying her name makes you smile.  You're girl crazy, that's for sure.

You are still playing baseball and although you aren't super competitive there, you always have a smile on your face, which is a good sign that you're having fun.  You started playing catcher and after the scrimmage earlier this week, you said you loved playing catcher, minus the balls hitting you.  Might start working on your technique.  Ha!

Daddy and I love you very much and we are so proud of the person that you're growing up to be.  You're curious about the world around you, you love your people fiercely and you've even started asking questions about Jesus.  You are often the one person that can tick me off and fix it all with just a sweet smile or a laugh about nothing at all.  You're strong-willed, determined and a bit hot tempered but we love you in spite of all that.  Your passion for life is inspiring.  We love you to Heaven and back.

A letter to RJ on her 1st birthday

RJ, you are ONE!  Our short little squishy baby is officially a year old!  Though you've only been here a short time, our love for you will last a lifetime!

You are a squishy little baby - Mama's dream!  While you are short in stature, you more than make up for that in personality.  You LOVE to smile and laughing seems to be a favorite of yours, too.  You think Henry is the funniest, but Daddy and Pop get good laughs from you.  Speaking of Pop, you light every time we FaceTime with him and Lolli.  You definitely know they love you as much as we do.

You're very curious about the world around you.  Some might say you are a bit on the nosy side, always getting into everything.  Try as we might, we set boundaries for you, but you blow right on through them.  You're very headstrong and determined and while it exhausts me most days, we know these are signs of leadership and success so we will tailor them appropriately.

A few of your favorite things include: your family, food, your pacifier, anything you can chew on.  You love crawling every place you go, including out the doggie door.  That is your favorite destination.  You also enjoy getting into the dogs' water bowl and into Henry's room to check out his Legos.  You're not a big fan of the car seat but you love going for walks in the stroller.

You have the BEST belly laugh and you smile with your whole face. You're especially ticklish on your neck and your belly.  You think "This little piggy" is hilarious and that peek-a-boo is fun as well.  You generally enjoy taking a bath but washing your hair sometimes ticks you off.  Splashing in the tub is lots of fun for you.

Your 1 year well exam is next week so I'll update later with stats, but last week you weighed just under 21 pounds.  You wear size 18 month clothing and some 24 month tops.  Your legs are short, but you need a little extra room around your waist.  You wear a size 3 wide shoe, well if you would actually wear shoes.  We've tried hair bows and headbands, but you clearly aren't a fan.

RJ, you color our world and you've added so much JOY to our family.  We love you to Heaven and back and can't wait to celebrate many more birthdays together.  May God protect and carry you this year and all the days of your life.  Love you!

Mama, Daddy and Henry

Fast Forward

Ever get in a rut and wish you could just fast forward through life?  You know you've been blessed to be where you are, but sometimes you're just over it.  I'm in that spot right now.  My family is doing well and we are happy.  Great things are in store just around the corner.  However, there's also junk looming over our heads and I'm ready to get to the good stuff again.

Sometimes I need more than a blizzard from DQ to get over it.  I had an ugly cry earlier this week and all it did was give me a busting headache.  Well, that wasn't productive.  Or maybe it was.  Who knows.

I'm working on being more grateful about today and trying to stop rushing to the good stuff for there's good to be had, even when it feels hopeless.  The perfect example of this is my friend, Janna.  Last month she got the terrible news that her adult dog, her companion and friend, is terminal.  He is her best friend, they've done life together and I'm more than sad for my friend, it's horrible seeing her enduring his fate.  It's not fair.  Not for Shooter.  Not for Janna.  But see this is where Janna is inspiring; instead of wallowing and grieving over his impending departure, Janna is making a bucket list for Shooter.  Over the last couple of weeks, he's had a sleepover with a beloved skin-kid, visited his vet's office with sugar cookies made in his likeness (seriously, the cutest cookies I've ever seen!), he had a photo shoot with a professional and the photos are precious memories for Janna.  He's been to a dog bakery and she's planned a party for him as well.  She loves Shooter and she's doing everything she can to enjoy today.  It's inspiring and touching.  And admittedly, I tear up with every post I see of hers. The tears are mostly happy for the two of them though.  She's making the best of something super crappy and it's helping her process it. 

Through her grief, I've been inspired to slow down and enjoy today.  Today is all any of us really have anyway.  It's time to stop and smell the roses.  To hear my kids laugh. To watch my littlest on the verge of taking her first steps. To listen to Henry learning to read.  To be the best wife for my husband that works ridiculously hard to provide for his family.  To love with my whole heart instead of just what I feel like giving.  Even if my heart is bumped and bruised along the way, it's not too shattered love and enjoy today.