How are you guys?

I've heard that question so many times over the last 5 weeks since the girls left and now, I can honestly say, I'm doing better than I have in I don't even know how long. 

Did I get the biggest sucker punch of my life when the girls abruptly left? You betcha.

Did I stomp my feet and throw a pity party? Sure did.

Did I handle it the best way I could?  Probably not, but I learned a lot from it.

Since all of that, I've been able to start working on a relationship with the girls' mother and even got to visit them last week.  It was so good getting to see their smiles and snuggle up on the couch with them.  My heart needed that. It was time to move on even if I didn't want to and seeing them ok with their mom made it apparent.  Crying and carrying on wasn't going to bring them back to me.

Mike was a big time encouragement to me. He reminded me of why we were serving in the first place and that pity, fear and anger were not from the Lord.  He let me grieve, but he was also encouraging that it was time to move on with life and not get stuck in the things I couldn't change.

He was so right and I'm thankful to have a husband that's a leader in our marriage.  We reopened our home and within a matter of 12 hours, a new little lady was welcomed.  The first 3 nights were horrific.  She had an ear infection on top of teething so sleep was a thing of the past.  I couldn't comfort her and I felt like a failure.  I cried to Mike and said awful things I didn't mean (full disclosure: I said I didn't want to bring babies home again. Ever again.  Funny the things we say and don't mean when we're sleep deprived. Especially me. I NEED my sleep.)

But God heard my cries, and probably hers too, and we finally established a routine after that yucky ear infection cleared up. Now I get the biggest drool-soaked grins when I walk in the room and I'm somebody's favorite person, even if it hurts Daddy Mike's feelings. Ha!  Henry is happier again, too, which is a huge relief for my heart.  We are enjoying this new little person to love on and getting to know her has been so good for the soul.  We've been reminded that the need to love and serve in this capacity is so big that we are doing a bigger disservice wallowing in our own grief.  We are happier when we are serving.  

Psalm 30:11-12 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever.