The first year

A year ago today, about this time of night, we were anticipating the arrival of our first foster placement.  We knew very little about the 2 year old boy that was en route or about what was ahead for our family. The CPS investigator arrived with an incredibly adorable little boy with dark hair and dark eyes and the longest eyelashes I had ever seen on a child.  "A" was scared. And dirty. And he smelled bad. He had a horrible day and God only knows what he had endured in the weeks prior.  We were told why he was removed and admittedly, like a rookie, I cried for him.  I couldn't believe any human being, let alone someone that was supposed to love him, could have done those things to him.  I felt a very primal urge to hunt them down and seek his revenge.  I didn't like that side of me and after 4 placements, I still feel the same way about each of my kiddos.

Just after 10pm, after 45 minutes of signing papers, and very little information about this child, the investigator and our caseworker were gone.  The moment we had worked so hard for was here and I don't think we could have been more scared.   I can't fathom what "A" was thinking, being in a new place with total strangers.  I wasn't sure what to do next, much like when we brought Henry home from the hospital.  My nurturing side came out and I grabbed a bowl of Goldfish, hoping he would eat.  Oh buddy, he ate.  And ate. And ate.  I was so relieved.  I silently prayed that I could win him over, desperately wanting him to trust us.  After a couple of stories, we got him cleaned up and into pjs, ready for bed.  Surprisingly, "A" slept like a champ that night.  Henry was so excited to finally have a little brother, he had a little trouble winding down that night.  I was in the same boat, lying wide awake well after midnight.  I will never forget Mike and I lying in bed, staring at the ceiling in total shock.  We both agreed that yes, we were living the most surreal experience of our lives.

The next couple of weeks were challenging and honestly, disheartening. "A" was presumably mistreated by a woman so he didn't want a thing to do with me or any other woman for that matter.  That was tough on my mama heart, my sister and our moms as well.  We wanted to love on this little guy and he just wanted us out of his sight.  After much trial and error and LOTS of prayer, "A" finally came around and trusted us.  The bonding process began and the changes in him were almost instantaneous. He came to us completely non-verbal, but over the new few weeks, he learned all kinds of words and before we knew it, we were hearing his laughter.  What a precious, sweet sound.

Reflecting today, I can't believe a year has passed.  So many feelings from that first night, the shock, the uncertainty, the fear, it's all still very real to me.  Mike jokes that we are seasoned veterans now.  I thought he was silly for saying that, but I agree that we've grown so much since that first night.  We know our true calling now - that we are to love and serve without limitations or boundaries.  We are to love on their families even when they seem unlovable.  We are to serve and love like Christ - we aren't perfect but we have the perfect example in Him.