Grace

A couple of friends have shared an article with me that was written by a foster mom about her thoughts on getting attached to the kiddos in her care.  Here's a link if you haven't read it: http://www.scarymommy.com/i-get-too-attached-to-my-foster-children-and-it-is-my-greatest-honor/

Personally, I had all the feels reading that.  So much of it hit close to home in a very obvious way.  Yes, we do a lot for these kiddos, but we do that as parents for our bio kids as well so we certainly aren't an extra kind of special.  The part that hit me the most was her candidness about getting frustrated with the little boy for breaking Christmas ornaments.  That's reality.  Kids are kids. Can I get an amen?  Parents, mercy, we struggle. Finding grace and forgiveness for our kids, although part of our job, is an exhausting part of it.  I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had because I felt guilty for how I responded to Henry when he asked for something for the nine millionth time and how badly I wanted to wake him up and just apologize to him already.  Or how many times I burst into tears crying by the time Mike got home because I was overstimulated by screaming, teething babies. That happened just last night. Mike was so gracious and kind, sent me out for ice cream and some alone time.  I love that man.  He totally speaks my love language.

My point is, as foster parents, we aren't perfect.  Sure we are doing something that most people won't experience, but we aren't special.  We struggle.  It's a real struggle to deal with bio parents, especially when you see them getting way too many chances, often at the detriment of the child.  I'm talking things way beyond junk food and not changing diapers.  Real life, really serious life-threatening situations.  It's hard and it makes you jaded sometimes.   It's a real struggle to have people look at you and/or your kids differently because "clearly they aren't all yours."  Yeah.  Let's not point out the obvious to the tiny, vulnerable little ears.  Okay?

However, God's provision and protection of our hearts is WAY bigger than any of our fears.  Do I get angry with judges and other decision makers?  Oh, you honestly have no idea.  Do I get frustrated with bio parents for their lack of good parenting decisions.  Ha. Almost daily. Do my kids get on my head sometimes.  You betcha.  But here's the common theme - grace.  There's a saying that rings so true: GRACE is when God gives us what we don't deserve.  I don't deserve God's grace any more than you do. But He loves us and gives us those things unconditionally if we believe in Him.  If we recognize that He is the Creator and Narrator of our lives, we will have that grace abundantly and without reservation.  We have His forgiveness that exceeds me being upset because a bio mom gave her infant red iced tea during visitation to which she threw up all over my car.  Years from now, I won't remember that.  I'll remember those precious babies, children of God. I'll remember hearing "I love you" from a previously terrified child.  I'll hear "Mama Lacey" as a big smile comes running towards me on the sidewalk after driving 5+ hours to see her and her precious sister again.  I'll remember the grandfather that thanked me and Mike for caring for their granddaughters.  I'll look fondly at my son who has a better understanding of the world and how to love others in spite of our differences.  That to me is what GRACE looks like.  We certainly don't deserve those blessings but He provides in spite of our shortcomings.