Thoughts on Foster Care

As you may know by now, Mike and I re-opened our home for foster care at the end of August.  Within 24 hours, we had another placement and let me tell you, I for one am THRILLED to be back on the roller coaster ride.  Not only do we have the most precious little one in our home, we are so happy to be serving again.  The last 3 weeks have been a blur, but much like the proverbial roller coaster, we are enjoying the ride.

Mike and I, like all foster parents, are asked all sorts of questions and hear all kinds of stories (some of them so heart touching they give you chill bumps.)  Thankfully we are surrounded by AMAZING family and friends so we haven't encountered too much in the crazy arena, but I've heard more horror stories about what happened to second-cousin Betty's step-sister and her family when they fostered than I care to recount.  Sage advice, don't share those stories with foster or adoptive parents.  There is enough scary stuff going on with our cases that we don't need anything else keeping us up at night.

The question that we get the most is: Are you going to adopt?  Albeit a very personal question, yes, we would love to adopt, someday.  We don't know what someday looks like or who that child will be.  We have sincerely laid down every wish and desire at the feet of Jesus.  For those that don't know, Mike and I tried for an inordinate amount of time to complete our family the old-fashioned way so needless to say, we gave up on what our dreams looked like.  At the end of the day, God is in control and we aren't setting parameters on anything.  We're serving for Him and yes, selfishly, we hope that He blesses us through that with adoption or continuing to silence our selfish desires for what we think our family should look like.

Two questions that we can't answer: How long are you going to keep Baby? and What happened with their family? The simple answer to both, we don't know.  We will love whoever God has called us to serve and we don't control the timelines.  Cases are wrapped up with more advocates, lawyers and judges than the OJ trial.   Also, as far as why a child is placed with us, that's not something that needs to be discussed outside of the team that already knows all the ins and outs.  It's that child's story and for their privacy, we aren't going to share the nitty gritty.  We hope that you understand and respect that.

Also a question we've gotten more recently: Is Henry your natural child?  Yep, he's biologically ours so he's naturally our child. 


We are also often told: I could never foster a baby.  It would be too hard to give them back. I struggle with this one because it was something I wrestled with the entire time we were trying to complete our family.  I told God countless times that I could not and would not do it.  I fought Him and I thought I knew better.  But you know what?  God is SO MUCH BIGGER!  There's a song by Hillsong "Touch the Sky" with lyrics "I found my life when I laid it down."  One Sunday during the invitational, I walked up to the altar and prayed, told God to take it. Take all my insecurities, worry and doubt and use me.  Remove me, get me out of the way and work His plan through me.  To say I'm thankful for His plan, goodness that would be an understatement.  Lay it down.  You can do ANYTHING - foster care, mission work, teach a Sunday School class, preach, lead worship, you name it - through Him.   And you know what - it's hard.  The day our first placement left, I was a mess.  I was sick at my stomach for days after he left, worried that he was unhappy or that he missed us.  But you know what happened?  God reminded me that He has a plan for that little guy just like He does for me.  God is so good.

Mike and I are not selfless or special people.  Believe you me, we still have selfish thoughts and doubts.  It's hard cleaning up a Code Brown after your own kid gets sick, but doing it for a kid that you didn't raise isn't a cakewalk.  It's not fun having your child clobber you in the face in a fit of toddler rage, but it certainly raises doubts about your call to serve when it's a kid who you have welcomed into your home does it.

But the question I love the most: What can we do for you as you serve? My answer will always be the same - pray for the sweet child in our care.  They didn't choose the life that's going on around them but we pray that they will know the love of Jesus Christ.  The song lyrics that resonates with me every time things get scary or too much to process: "He's got the little bitty babies in His Hands...."