Attitude

I'm writing this not to brag or boast, but because we've all had days as parents that can feel really rotten but end up turning out to be the best teaching moment for both the parents and the kid.  Tonight was one of those times.

When I picked Henry up from school, he was happy to see me but by the time we backed out of the parking space, he quickly turned on me, all because I wouldn't go back in the school for his bunny.  I don't know what is so special about this bunny; it wasn't in his cubby or in his take home folder.  I still don't know what bunny he is talking about, even through the snotty nose and crocodile tear-filled eyes.  When I tried to divert his attention to something else, all hell broke loose, at least in that little carseat of his. 

I'm exhausted but I remember some advice that a friend gave recently. If you're going to change your voice, lower it.  I calmly explained that if he didn't quit throwing a fit, there would be no tv tonight.  No tv?  In the Holland house?  Is the world ending?  I'll be honest, after working all day and dealing with traffic, nights typically consist of me turning on Thomas the Train or something as equally annoying, just so I can get dinner cooked before Mike gets home.  Fine mothering skills I know, but, he doesn't watch tv at school nor does he watch it the entire evening.   This was going to be a challenge for both of us, but I'm the adult which meant I couldn't give in.  I'm exhausted - health, work, moving at the office, family stuff and now a melt down over this bunny.  Oh to give in, turn the car around just to make it stop.  I just kept going towards the house, no anger in me but he had enough for both of us.   He wasn't amused and honestly, I think he thought I'd forget about the punishment.  Moms aren't as smart, ya know.

We got home, still no tv.  He sulked but as soon as supper was ready, he volunteered to join us at the "big" table to eat.  This is a big deal because he rarely eats with us, typically eats in the kitchen facing the tv or front row seat in the living room, dinner on a tv tray.  The 3 of us had a great conversation and he ate really well.  Yes, I realize that's because the tv wasn't distracting him nor were the dogs by his side begging.   It was really nice and Mike and I thanked him for joining us at the table.  (I realize this confession of him watching tv while eating supper isn't winning me any Mother of the Year points, but I'm doing my best to be transparent.)

Mike then asked if we would want to go on a walk.  Henry is always on board for that!  I'm feeling much better these days so I joined them.  What a nice time we had, just the 3 of us, walking and talking.  The boys ran for a bit and the laughter filled the air.  My heart smiled and my face showed it too.  It felt so good to laugh.  Not only because of our rough start to the evening, but because I haven't laughed like that or enjoyed my family like that in a very long time.  Life has been challenging for a too long, but tonight it was just me and my two boys, laughing and enjoying a good evening together.  No tv and ironically enough, no more fits. 

Bath time was a breeze and going to bed was only met with one minute of resistance (no crying, though) instead of the usual 20-30 minute stall fest.  **Henry, if you read this later in life, please put as much effort into something you really love as you've put into avoiding going nigh' night.

I want to remember this night the next time I'm feeling overwhelmed or like I can't do this.  How many times do we as moms and dads feel like we just can't do it?  Like it would be easier to just give in, let them act like a monster but to watch tv just to get the next task accomplished.  The tv isn't to blame, it can be anything to indulge and pacify them, just until.... well until your money, time and effort is exhausted and you still have a very unhappy little person on your hands.  I love my boy and I'm thankful that Mike and I get to teach him, lead him and love on him each day.  I'm thankful that his fit tonight not only helped him get over his attitude, but for me to get over mine too.